There's No Spell Check For Life

I road the bus today and discovered the the crazies talk to me even though I don't wear a school girl uniform anymore. This one woman ask to barrow my phone so she could let her work know she was running late. OK no problem. After a quick 30 second call this creepy guy behind me speaks to me
Creep Guy behind me (CGBM):"Can I use your phone to call my boyfriend?"
Me In My Head: "What do I look like a pay phone?"
Me out loud: Why do you need to call him
CGBM: HA! Joking! I don't have a boyfriend! same sex is an ABOMINATION!
ME:....
CGBM: ABOMINATION!!!!
Me In my head: What do I say! I want something snarky and witty to say! NO Rachel! Don't argue with the crazies at the bus, those homophobe kill people sometimes!!!!
Me Out loud:Er... then you won't ever have a boyfreind then... and that will be wonderful for you...
Me in my head: ignore, ignore, ignore, go away creeper!!!!

And then he went away

I have the best new ever! I got a graduate assistantship for Akron! It comes with a tuition waver for 9 credit hours (full time) and a stipend of $6,400 a year! I'm so so so excited! My grad schooling is being paid for! I was sure I was getting nothing but no I'm being paid to go to grad school! ok that's probably way to many exclamation points...
The department seems nice too, which is good. I was worried about missing the geology department at Dayton. Donna (the secretary) was like the department mother and she kept up with what was going on with everyone. And all the profs were very friendly and involved anf really cared about the students. So i was worried it wouldn't be like that at Akron because it's a bigger department, and i haven't heard of any one else ever say that their major's department was close, or nice, or involved or anything. But the people I've talk to sound great and I can't wait to get to know all the profs and find out who I'm researching with. I want to start classes now. This is partly because I'm crazy bored, but also I'm so looking forward to grad school, because I know I can do it and that it will be  a fun challenge.
So Monday morning I'm going in to sign my contract and prove that's I'm me, and meet my adviser, and find out what classes I'm taking this fall, and all that good stuff. I'm kind of excite.
Also Monday I'll hopefully hear back from Eddie Bauer and find out if I have a job. I'm kind of hoping I can get a summer job with the department instead, but I'm not expecting anything.

I'm done with paper of doom! Which means I'm more or less done for the semester, which means I'm more or less done for the year, and more or less done with undergrad! I'll do a real update later about my awesome Saturday and sucky Sunday.
Done!!!!

So now I don't know what to think any more. About two weeks ago I found out that my roommate from last semester and good friend made out with Chis the night after he broke up with me. I had already known, not from facts just from my gut. In fact I almost asked them not to do it but was afraid of how much it would hurt when the did it anyway so I didn't. Once I found out they had made out I was sure my other suspicions were true. That is I was sure they were involved with each other, the real reason Chris broke up with me was to be with her and that he was cheating on me with her.
Well a friend encouraged me to talk to her, and while she admits the making out with him (twice) she claims both times were drunken mistakes and a long time ago. She's very adamant that she is not interested in him and does not want to date him. She even claims not to be close friends with him any more. And I don't know whether to believe her.
She tried to kiss Chris back in August/September, she says she was so drunk she doesn't remember it. I know she liked him, I don't know what changed.
Part of me wants to believe her. Certainly it hurts less to believe her, but I'm terrified I'll find out she's lying and will just be crushed again. I don't care if they're dating (and I do believe that they're not dating) I care if they are making out or fucking or what even on a regular basis. (Well that's not true I would care if they were dating, but I care about the other stuff as much, if they are dating then they're doing the other stuff to so...)
Anyway I don't know what to think. I'm going to talk to her more about it in person, maybe I'll find out why she is not interested in Chris anymore, because nothing will convince me that she wasn't at one point interested in him.
On top of all this emotional shit, it's end of semester I have a shit tome of things that need to get done and I'm sick! So suckatude all around.

Well I made it in to Akron U which I knew I would... Now I just have to hear about funding

Chris broke up with me this week. I'm tired and calm right now so I don't want to give details because it will just make me cry and I need to go to bed. If you want details just comment and and I'll give them when I'm in a mood to deal with such things

Today's been a day. It started out badly with my roommate waking me up at 6:30 as she printed something out for her class. This wouldn't normally be a problem but i couldn't for the life of me get back to sleep which sucked because I needed as  suck sleep as possible to i could be alert for the GRE. But the day started to improve. My first class was boring as usual but my second class is Ballroom dancing which is awesome. We are finally doing real dancing... well sort of we can now dance in a box and do turns and move forward so it seems like real dancing. Anyway it's a lot of fun.
So after that it was lunch time and then GRE time. Dance class relaxed me about my test so I was feeling pretty good. Chris was nice enough to skip his class and drive me to the testing center. JUst as we were pulling into the parking lot Chris runs into/ is run into by this huge pickup truck. We were both physically fine but his car looks like crap. I don't know what happened after that because I had to go in and take my test. It was nerve racking to say the least. Not the best way to start a really important test. I have no idea how bad the crash was. I don't know if his car works. Certainly 3 hours later the cars were gone but that's not surprising. The test went well though. I actually did beter on the quantitative section than i did on the verbal section fro the first time in my life. I got a 650 on the quant and 580 verbal. I don't know about the written but frankly I don't care at the moment

So last night I group of us went to one of the dining halls on campus for free study break food. The food was meh (the orange juice was frozen the pizza was the stale chopped up remains from that night's pizza that no one had bought, but the popcorn was good) We sat around and good times were had by all. Then Anna Lisa noticed that there was a snowflake competition so she brought over the paper and the scissors and we all made snowflakes. Some were monumentusly ba,d some were inventive, mine was Kickass if I do say so myself. When we were done we all entered our snowflakes as a joke. I almost didn't put mine in but I decided it didn't take any time to write my name and address on it. And low and be hold I won! I love making snowflakes it's one of my favorite winter things to do. My dad always made the coolest ones ever and I picked up the technique (and Oh My is there a technique) from him.That and practising at Quaker Square while bored apprently paid off.

So power went out in almost of the student neighborhood yesterday at like three. No one knows when we’ll get it back. It’s actually been kind of cool. Last night was the first night ever that I went for a walk on campus and it was actually dark! Also everyone was hanging out on the porches just chatting. It was a completely different vibe than the weekend parties, just very laid back and calm. People had candles lit or torches and the temperature was very nice, so for some reason it reminded me of Halloween. 
There is actually one side of a block the at has power. Chris happens to live there so I hung out at his place and charged my computer, reveling in the electricity. Several of the other houses seemed to be doing the same thing. One house had a TV out on the porch and this large group of guys were watching some game. It reminded me of those pictures from Africa or other poor countries where a village has only one TV and everyone watches it.  When I was walking home from Chris’s place at like 2 in the morning there was this one house that I swear was mocking the rest of us for our lack of power. The people there had put up Christmas lights in there yard! It was as if they were saying “Haha sucks to be you! Not only do we HAVE power but we can use it for all sorts of unnecessary things! The rest of you have to eat room temperature food and worry about the milk going bad!”
 Anyway it’s been pretty cool as much as it sucks not to have a working refrigerator. Actually I think everyone in the house is more bothered by the lack of computer charging abilities than anything else, which just goes to show where our priorities are.

This was a very moving video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iEBQ_Ox7CM&eurl=http://www.feministing.com/?page=2

Apparently this is video week or something

Awesome video!
http://current.com/items/89157733_target_women_birth_control?xid=55

I am done with physics class for ever! And I totally pwned it! I got a 95%! And now I get to start my first real school break/ vacation since Christmas! I have only one more week of work and then I get to go home and see everyone, So yays all around!

This is a really fun video but Not Work Safe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ayyPzuHGNU&eurl=http://www.athensboyschoir.com/?page=video&id=4

So I've been looking at grad school recently. It was really weird. Three weeks into summer I found where I wanted to go by complete fluke. I went from having no clue what I wanted to do after graduation but being pretty sure I wasn't going to go to grad school for geology, to knowing that I was going to grad school and that I had found  school, and I was going to write a thesis, the thing I had been swearing since day one I would never do. This lead to a completely new kind of panic. First it was the "How the hell and I going to afford another $30,000 of schooling?" This soon passed with the decision that really it's was just one year and I can take out loans, even if they are massive. I mean honestly what's another $30,000 of debt?

But then the truly scary realization hit me. What if I can't get in? I know several people from Dayton that are having trouble getting in to grad school or finding a geology job. Of course the solution to this is to apply lots of places. But it's really hard to look at other places when you've found the one.

Today I was looking at pretty pictures of fall and made my schedule in Excel and was really wishing for fall to begin because it's my favorite season. But I can't think about any of these things with out panicking about applying to grad school, and all the work I have to do what with writing a thesis so I look good on applications. So I decided to buckle down and look at some of the schools on the list my adviser gave me of places he thought I might like. Most of them weren't my thing but I found a few possibilities and I even found a school that might even be competing with the original as  the one. I mean it practically a perfect mixture of women studies and geology and it sounds amazing. Not that I have any idea if it has any practical use but it sounds fascinating.

Anyway I’ve been afraid to really talk much about grad school because I’m convinced I’ll jinx it. But having more options makes that feel less likely. It’s really weird, before this summer I never felt that there was anything I wanted that I couldn’t get if I tried hard enough. As cynical as I am about the “American Dream” as it were, I had never really faced anything that I wanted and was out of my reach. There is a real possibility grad school is. And I want the first grad school so bad it hurts and I’m so afraid I won’t get it. And I’m afraid that I’ve already built it up as too much. Having other options, allowing myself other options, is actually a big help.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get over this blind panic I get every time I think about the fall and will be able to actually enjoy this last year. Before I thought it was the most horrible thing not to know what I wanted after graduation, but actually think it’s harder knowing. I can’t just let fate steer things anymore. It took me this far (I stumbled onto the first school totally by accident). But if I want this I have to take action, and even putting everything into it that I’ve got, I still might not get what I want. And that’s terrifying. 

This is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Scroll down to the description. It's great!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&item=280201800494&_trksid=p3984.cWAT.m240.lVI 

I posted some of the picture from last years gathering on Facebook. My dad took over 500 but I only posted about 100 or so.  Here's the link http://udayton.facebook.com/photos.php?id=21907054

    So today was rather surreal. Tim my first boyfriend emailed this morning out of no where. I haven't talk to him since Junior maybe Senior year of high school. He's in the military now. More than anything it made me realize how much has change since then. Junior year for me was such a turning point. Which is rather ludicrous to say because every year feels like such a turning point. But anyway it feels like such a long time since I thought about high school I mean really thought about it. Not just some story of 'this one time... ' but really thought about the people as people not just characters in a story.

    I forgot how much happened that i thought would be life changing and wasn't all those daily triumphs that are really so mundane. I mean what have a done in 4 years? Nothing worth telling stories about. Not that it wasn't worthwhile or important it's just doesn't make good stories. Which is why i hate the question "What's new?" from people you haven't seen in a year. Nohing is new for me. It's all mundane and normal and school. How do you say you know more, experienced more but not in anyway that can be told in a story. There have been almost no moments of drastic change and even when there have been they eventually fade into really more minor change. A while ago I would have said my parents divorce was a big change. Now it's just something that happened. In many ways it had less effect on m then some of my classes but I can hardly tell people about those sort of things because they are so broad. There is no one short phrase about how much a class has change my thinking, my life direction because it's subtle.

Anyway sorry about the rambling self reflection. Who did you know 4 years ago that you haven't thought about?

So my roommate and her boyfriend asked me the weirdest question ever and now I'm asking you. Do you pee in the shower? Apparently they both do. I do not. What  about you all?

Bondage Jesus!

I have my MAC! Yay!